FAQ...
I’m a high-powered Hollywood type, what special treatment can I expect from the festival?Free beer at the after party. What more could you possibly need!
I intend to drink the bar dry. How does the festival propose to stop me?With gut-crunching movies that are sure to unsettle your stomach.
I’m a middle class robot that works in a middle-of-the-row accountancy firm. I’m on vacation in the Catskills and wish to attend the festival but my colleagues have warned that this may be a gateway to independent thought. I’m really worried that I may wake up Monday morning, quit my job and run down the street naked whilst singing “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Could this happen?A common question. Ironically, the answer is yes—if you DO NOT attend. It’s our belief that you will find the festival a great opportunity to blow a pressure valve that if otherwise left unchecked will explode into the above scenario.
Is it a crime to love your camera more than you love your wife?What with all those sexy curves, hours of fun and constant loyalty, you’re bound to love your camera more than your wife!
I’ve heard that most of the films being screened were shot for less than 1% of a standard Hollywood budget. I feel as though my attendance and support of the festival is equivalent to stealing from large studios and everybody on their payroll. In the great cosmic scheme of things will I receive bad karma for stealing?Not if you observe a moment of silence for executive realtors, luxury car manufacturers, fashion designers, cocaine dealers, hookers, and African adoption agencies that will end up a fraction of a cent poorer because you supported the future and not the past.
I’m a freshman and have a date to the festival. I’m wondering if the films will frighten my date enough to grab my hand?It’s so scary that you will probably find yourself quivering on your date’s lap!
How did you happen to get all those Italian guys to get behind the Schoharie Scary Horror Film Fest? It’s kinda weird. Cool, but weird.It is weird. We’re still not completely used to it. We were blissfully occupied on a number of creative projects in California when we were approached by Johnny Cha Cha, Vinny Pastore and a couple of other gruff-looking guys looking to stir up some new business as work on The Sopranos was winding down. They wanted us to come out to some place in the Upper Catskills called Schoharie County to put together a horror film festival. We told them we didn’t know a thing about putting together a film festival, and they said “Oh yes you do.” It was one of those situations where they just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Anyway, here we are juggling street guys, horror films and snow balls. Could’ve been worse, I suppose. For all we know, they could have asked us to be in a snuff film.
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?To keep your grandma busy.
I’ve got a few questions for Duncan Cunningham (FORGOTTEN IDENTITY: THRILL KILL). We love your special effects, they look so realistic. Also, where do you get your actors and your ideas?Duncan Cunningham: What special effects? We make snuff films. For actors we use lowlifes off the street, people who won’t be missed. I work with mentally ill people who give me lots of ideas for my movies. They enjoy describing in great detail the sick little fetishes that make my movies all the more sinister and twisted.
Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?Because the pain is out of this world.
How can I make a tax-deductible donation to support SSHFF?Send tax-deductible donations to:
Schoharie Scary Horror Film Fest
107 Union Street
Cobleskill, NY 12043
Attn: Lewis Umbrellahem
A letter for tax purposes will be mailed to you.
Was that last question/answer serious?Yes.
Really?Yes.